David: the politician

Citzens of Toronto,

Greetings!  I have come from overseas to your fine city, and after several years of enjoying your sushi bars and coffee shops, I have come to realize that I’m stuck here.  With this in mind, I have graciously taken it upon myself to turn you wonderful citizens and your fine city into lemonade.

My friends, we here, in the centre of the Universe, have so little to offer the world.  We have Little Italy and Korea Town.  I propose that we Canadians think bigger.  Why don’t we expand these areas and celebrate in Bigger Italy and Korea Planet?

Fellow Torontonians, we are the world.  No, we are better than the world.  The world wants what we have - successful multi-culturalism - and we need to show ‘em how to get it.  Let’s launch an international campaign about the peace we’ve found in Toronto.  The St Bernard administration is really excited about shooting off our pilot campaign to a few national towns: “Dear [Canadian city], Toronto is the Big Bang. What have you done lately?”  Catchy.

Commuters and house spouses alike, I hear you loud and clear.  Better transport means later departures and earlier arrivals.  Time is honey and I think the sweetest holiday gift would be the gift of transportation.  My tech team has done its research into flight technology, and - I had my lead on the project, Mr. Naimji, guarantee that this was 100% absolutely possible to achieve - I can promise you, that if the wonderful people of the G.T.A. bring in enough votes to allow me to become your mayor, we will have every man, woman and child equipped with their own fully functional propeller beany hat.  They run on wind power, which is convenient since you’re flying already, and they are silent spinners, allowing you to enjoy your daily newspaper in transit without any deafening engine noise.

In closing, I would like to add that my opponent, Mr. Kembhavi, has yet to solve the transportation issue, let alone lived in Toronto for one solid year without interruption.  I leave you with this one simple question, followed by two unnecessary follow-up questions: Do you really want a majoy who migrates on a regular occasion?  One who cowers in the corner from the issues until its okay to come out again?  Or one who not only stands in the light, but wears the lampshade over his head?

Citizens of Toronto, let’s take it to the skies!

David St Bernard