Archive for March, 2012

Post #154: Patience or Procrastination?

Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

Why do writers write? Because it isn’t there.
— Thomas Berger

Yeah, and I haven’t been here for ages. It’s weird. I want to write, I have time to write, and I have the energy to write, but rarely do all three come at the same time.

So, I’m not working as a website co-ordinator anymore. I’m back to just databases, and just for a bank. At the least, I’m not tied to banks, so I feel like I have options, and my career is “Database Programmer” not “Bank Employee”.

The summer is coming, however, and so is the inspiration to do something new and exciting with my life. I still get hit with the urge. Currently, the new idea is to take some improv classes at Second City, in the hopes that I’ll loosen up in real life conversation.

My big goals and views on life are still there. Yet, I’ve had to push a few of them back, further into the future, and it scares me. It sparks the age-old question of, “Am I being patient, or am I procrastinating?” If I really want to record my music, why do I spend so much time playing Frisbee? Am I misappropriating my time?

I’ve been dating this wonderful girl who knows how to plan things well in advance. She’s rubbing off on me slowly - for instance, I no longer double-book myself for events every single weekend. However, I pick one, and sometimes hate myself for picking poorly. I forget to leave room for people’s birthdays, or for holidays that are bound to bring my friends together. Not to mention leaving room for the simple things, like chores, catching up with peripheral friends, or writing.

I need to work on my calendar skillz, yo.

It hurts, trying not to disappoint anyone. What’s worse is that I still look back on my track record, and torture myself with it. I know I’m not perfect, and nobody is, but I’m also not a waste of time. Yet some gave up on me. I haven’t given up on them yet, but it’s going to take a miracle to bring us back together. Because I don’t have the words, or the wherewithall to make it happen. So, I believe in miracles, now? Not necessarily. More that it’s a small world, my friends are all over, and I Haven’t, Given, Up Yet. As for the rest of the world, I’ll just be more vigilant.