Archive for February, 2011

Post #135: Solution to the Absolution

Monday, February 28th, 2011

Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. — Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Dear Alice,

I guess it’s just what happens when he fears that he’s forgotten.
He lashes out in anger, in the hopes that she’ll still want him.
It’s sad that it’s the heartbreak that is all that will remain.
He hurts you but he loves you; yes, his lightning causes pain.

In my eyes, you hate me, and forever I’ll be wrong
Forever, I’ll be crazy, for I’ve put you in my song
And thus, my song is dying! as you still will not respond!

…except in burst of wonder to a world that holds you strong…

I guess that I’m not dying after all
I guess that I don’t need to hear you call
I guess I’m growing up
and I just wanted to say thank you
for when my back was up against the wall

“how can one forgive that which one never can forget?”
well, how can I stop loving when forever in your debt?
I guess one never knows it, and I never will regret
He loves you for forgiveness; yes, it rises just to set

David =B~)

p.s. I feel like a supernova.

Post #134: On Selling Ideas

Friday, February 25th, 2011

There is only one way in which a person acquires a new idea: by the combination or association of two or more ideas he already has into a new juxtaposition in such a manner as to discover a relationship among them of which he was not previously aware. - Francis A. Cartier

Dear Alice,

“I feel like we should all profit from each others’ ideas… yet, why just give them away when you can profit on them? You still gotta eat, right?”

Now that I’ve got my own business, I get these programming ideas at work, and I think, “Yeah, that’d be a great product. I’d buy it.” However, I get the ideas from other people inspiring me, and the question of ownership becomes a big deal to me. (i.e. I might be the mother of the idea, bringing the product to life, but does the father get to profit? Who’s the real father anyway?)

The movie, “The Social Network”, really plays off the idea of someone “stealing” an idea and making it their own. If I were to take my analogy and run with it, it seems that (with enough evidence, and a good laywer!) the father can always make a case and profit from the child later. Plus, the mother can afford to pay for it in the end anyways.

Is it dirty? At first sight, I think it is. Why hog all the “glory” anyways, “mom”? Then again, what did the father do? He just tossed up the idea. As Zuckerberg says to the Winklevii in the film, “If you wanted to build Facebook, you would have built Facebook.” If you wanted to profit from it, then you should either have protected it better, or learned to work nicely with others. If you wanted the world to have it, then let the world have it.

I gotta eat, but the world sometimes seems to be starving.


Post #133: Tattoo

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

“Reductio ad absurdum, which Euclid loved so much, is one of a mathematician’s finest weapons. It is a far finer gambit than any chess gambit: a chess player may offer the sacrifice of a pawn or even a piece, but a mathematician offers the game.” — G. H. Hardy

Dear Alice,

I finally figured out my future tattoo.
In math symbols: Contradiction. Therefore, Q.E.D.

I like it. It’s three symbols, and can go anywhere on me. I’d love to have it on the back of both my hands, but professionalism dictates otherwise. :(

Next would be to come up with an image. Huge and obnoxious for my back. HUGE! (j/k)

David =B~)

Post #132: On Valid Excuses

Monday, February 21st, 2011

A big part of financial freedom is having your heart and mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life. — Suze Orman
In all realms of life it takes courage to stretch your limits, express your power, and fulfill your potential.. it’s no different in the financial realm. — Suze Orman

Dear Alice,

When am I allowed to use excuses for my behaviour?

Right now, I’m complaining about my corporate taxes, but I’m doing everything but. That doesn’t mean that the February deadline isn’t forever swimming in my head. It just means that I’m having a really hard time getting them done, be it to “just do it” or to ask for help.

So, I vent to people. People, who can’t help me at all. Why? Because I don’t want help, I want sympathy and understanding, for when I can’t make it to the party tonight: I’ve got taxes on the brain. I’m trapped by my own pride of self sufficiency, or my own fear of dependancy.

Alright, fine. I’ll go talk to people who can help. What happens is they give me lots of advice that I feel I can’t use. “How about you find an accountant? Want to talk to mine?” I don’t…. I’m nervous. I feel that I have no instinct on what kind of accountant would be a good fit for me. I’d just take the first one who’ll have me and get stuck with them. Finding an accountant - someone to keep an eye out on how I manage my money - makes me nervous.

There you go. Too much self awareness might help you see the depth of your issues, but it then overwhelms you, since you now have many angles to approach the problem, and you’ve got to pick one. Self awareness presents the facts. What determines the course of action?

I hope that you can either forgive me for why I’ve been out of it all week, or figure out a way to help me approach the issue.

David =B~)

P.S. I spent all Saturday taking all the receipts that I’ve collected since starting my company, and I entered the details into an Excel spreadsheet. It was very rewarding! I have four sections: Programming, Songwriting, Personal, and Food. Of course, I’m not going to be able to write off anything from the 2nd category just yet, or ever anything from the 3rd or 4th category. It was just fascinating to see all that information. (1) What have I’ve been purchasing, and (2) how are taxes being applied to my purchases. It’s amazing how much goes to the government on a regular basis….

P.P.S. [same day] I just spent two hours on the phone with a co-worker who took the time to speak to his accountant with my situation in mind. He got me to call him back, and I’m on the road to a better tax situation. Hooray!

Post #131: Valentine’s Day Musings

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

Until you have lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was or what freedom really is. - Margaret Mitchell

Dear Alice,

Someone at work wondered aloud quite innocently why people make such a big deal about Valentine’s day. I responded quite reflexively:

“Well, you first start imagining what other people might be doing on this day, and then you start to wonder why you aren’t doing anything romantic if that’s what people are supposed to be doing. Lastly, you consider what might be wrong with you such that you don’t seem to be capable of realizing such a scenario.”

…They didn’t have much to say to that.

Another musing.
Bering in Mind: My Lust: A Valentine’s Day confession and the psychology of infatuation
My favourite part is that he, too, wrote a letter to the one with whom he was infatuated.

I’ve done this kind of writing in the name of closure what seems like a gazillion times. You’ve got to when you fall in love so easily. The unfortunate part is that I’m actually never looking for closure. It’s a bluff that I can’t maintain. In reality, I don’t want to lose them, ever. But I must. … Somehow.

Why does abandonment cause so much grief?
Why do we neglect the ones who stick around?
Why do we go elsewhere to prove that we’re still worthy of love?

Stay Home, people. Stay Home.

Post #130: The hardest truth

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

An artist is a dreamer consenting to dream of the actual world. — George Santayana
Art is magic delivered from the lie of being truth. — Theodor Adorno
Art is not a study of positive reality, it is the seeking for ideal truth. — John Ruskin

my art is an attempt to draw the universe
a response to what I took to be its call
to ask it if I have heard its words correctly
in hopes that I am hearing right at all

in either case, it always has responded
either yes or no or kinda, but in truth
and I forget the physics
but the math has kept me grounded
and economics helped me save my youth

or unfortunately…
I’ll let you decide…

my weakness for astrology has got me spending fast
let me tell a story, ’bout a girl who scared my past

into and through the hardest truth…

she spoke it without hesitation
t’was said without sound of regret
that art doesn’t have any message
what’s given ain’t what people get

my insides were ready to shatter
to bury these words in her head
but she was a woman of matter
I pardoned my temper instead

it came to me sweet in the silence
I knew it was hard and was true

I fought with my internal violence
to save us from Me and from You
for We are a notion much stronger
than any of us are apart

“don’t suffer blindness much longer
give back what was taken to heart”

it’s hard for we all feel this power
and fear we might be thought insane
be slow with it, little per hour
temper the flow with your brain

or your spine, or your abs, or your pelvis
wherever it is you can feel
the currents are flowing
the earth is still rolling
We’re here so to steady the wheel

fight with your internal violence!
save us from Me and from You!
for We are a notion much stronger
together We are something true

then, no one will be paid to suffer
then, no one need speak of what’s right
as long as We work - not in fear - but from wonder
then, art will inspire insight

and You, yes, will find Your own meaning
and You, yes, will test Your own faith
Us, We shall meet when We’re dreaming
We listen, We draw, and We wait

Post #129: Utopias Are For Fools

Friday, February 4th, 2011

The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other

Dear Alice,

I’m troubled, yet again. I truly believe in the possibility of a utopia on earth. I spend my life fighting for it, testing it, attempting to prove that it exists. If I were to treat the earth as if it were already one, what would go wrong? I get slapped in the face, and then I move on.

Ever try? Ever fail?
No matter.
Try again. Fail again.
Fail better.
- Samuel Beckett

Call me crazy. Call me high. Call me tired. Don’t call me at all. Whatever. I give up. I give in. Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, even if they weren’t so great. :)

Back to business, I’m going to have a show some time in March. I believe March 9th is the date that’s been suggested. We’ll see.

David =B~)

P.S. I went to a Canadian Citizenship party tonight, for an old co-worker, out in Etobicoke. It was fascinating, hanging out with my old team. They all had so many questions…. I wish that I had more questions for them, because I am interested in what they were up to. Luckily, the VP is a talker, and I got to chat with him properly, finally, now that I’m not his employee anymore. All in all, good times were had, and now I’m gone to bed. G’night!

Post #128: Snow Day Hype

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

Hype is the awkward and desperate attempt to convince journalists that what you’ve made is worth the misery of having to review it.
- Federico Fellini

Dear Alice,

Toronto buried the city in snow storm hype, that after only 10 cm of snow fell on the streets, everyone just gave in and announced a snow day anyways. I love it.

Speaking of hype, my colitis was double-checked, and another doctor found a bacterium in my stomach. It’s called campylobacter jejuni, and it’s a common one for food poisoning. I suspect that the bacterial colony caused the symptoms which gave my previous doctor the impression of colitis.

What a relief! I’m invincible again! Well, almost. I’ve got a scratchy throat now.

David =B~)

P.S. Last night, I dropped into a drum circle, happening at Bathurst and Bloor. It was five dollars to get in, and five to rent a drum. It’s one of those experiences where you need to be able to let yourself get into the beat, or else you’re going to get bored pretty fast. I tend to approach these things as a challenge: how can I not only slip into the beat, but add to it? Perhaps I’m less of a team player that way, or perhaps I’m more of one, always trying to contribute something to the pot. I’d hear a triplet in my head, and I’d try to get it out without losing the rhythm. In my opinion, I made many more mistakes than helpful additions to the sound, but there are 20+ drummers out there, I simply assume that my mistakes will get drowned out. Of course, that’s not quite the case. If you play a note when no one else is playing a note, it gets heard. You just hope that the resonance of the other “right” notes will smother the mistakes before they make it to anyone else’s ears.

P.P.S. Am I the only one who takes every experience he has and tries to turn it into a lesson about life in general?