Archive for September, 2009

Post #57: Blitz 3 - Still Letting Go

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Dear Alice,

I think I saw one of Rachel’s best friends working at Scaccia’s, which just so happens to be in the same building as my work. I didn’t make eye-contact (thank God), but I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Rachel were to come and visit her while I were around.

It’s been a year, so it’s gotten better. I still think of her whenever I wake up, and whenever a love song comes on my iPod, and whenever any notions of relationships spark up, but I’ve trained myself not to talk about it with others anymore. I would just get miserable, and the only advice people could come up with was to let her go.

Well, I did. Sort of. I’ve a few images in my head of her to remind me why we didn’t work out. Any time I start to falter and question whether she was the one, I go back to those souvenirs.

Oh, please don’t be the one
That ship has sailed, and that song has sung

I would practice holding my breath
I would practice holding my tongue
I would practice holding on…
If I knew… that she were the one.
Oh, please don’t be the one

Anyway, there are enough lonely people in this world for me to find someone else, so don’t worry too much about me. (However, I do accept most forms of hugs. Guys and girls alike.)

David =B~)

Post #56: Blitz 2 - Forgive you for what?

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Dear Alice,

Yom Kippur came about, and I only found myself more upset due to a friend’s yearly actions. The practice is about asking your friends for forgiveness of all the sins committed over the past year, which is all well and good, in theory, but she practices it in a manner that only boils my blood.

What this one practicing Jew does is contact up all of her friends, asking for forgiveness. This year, she did it by mass e-mail, but usually, she would call us, one by one. It’s a thorough approach, and I admit that if there are issues that need to be ironed out, then perhaps this will make sure it happens. However, what if my issue is that she does this every year and I don’t like it?

I feel pressured to say “I forgive you.” What if I don’t want to forgive her? Will she hound me until I cry uncle? I might have been one of the few kids who didn’t like getting gifts from some people because it meant that my parents were going to make me call them to say, “Thanks”.

(I’m weird. I know. I hate it. What’s so hard in saying, “thank you”? I’m not sure, but I believe that it’s tied to my issue with going into convenient stores just to buy something. I used to beg my Mom to do it for me because I was afraid of interacting with the cashier.)

Maybe it’s just her that I don’t like. I mean, if it were anyone else, would I be so enraged? It’s hard to say, because she’s the only person who does this. She’s a woman of principle, who can drop all sense of human compassion in the name of what’s right and what’s just. How do you argue with that?

David =B~)

Post #55: Blitz 1 - How to spend your time.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Dear Alice,

I don’t seem to know what’s a worthwhile investment of my time. I critisized my brother for spending 6 hours, yesterday, playing on the XBox, yet I’ve been throwing hours and hours into reading fantasy novels. I’m sure that there are pros and cons to both.

I’m not so upset that I won’t be playing Ultimate Frisbee or volleyball this season. I turned down Sandeep’s last-minute offer to go play floor hockey tonight. I called Extreme Fitness to cancel my 1-year membership before the 10-day trial period ran out. Quite frankly, I only feel like doing something when I feel like doing it, and usually I don’t feel like it.

So, what do I feel like doing? Hmm… what about what I don’t feel like doing? I don’t feel like staying at my current job a day longer, so I guess that’s one thing. What do I need to do? I’ve taken a compromising step of asking to work a 4-day week (for 4 days pay) instead of the usual 5 days. That’s exciting. It’s like opening up another window, to allow for more ventilation. I might even change my mind about quitting. Who knows! I just hope it happens sooner than later.

David =B~)

Post #54: Manhattan

Monday, September 21st, 2009

Dear Alice,

I have this weird feeling from Manhattan. The place seems to make you ask either, “What’s next?” or “What’s the point?”

Manhattan is littered with skyscrapers and large/important places: Central Park, Yankee Stadium, Arthur Ashe Stadium, the Met, the MoMA, the Brooklyn Bridge, the Manhattan Bridge, the Empire State Building, Trump Tower, Times Square, the Statue of Liberty…. I couldn’t leave. Five minutes on Staten Island or Brooklyn, and I’d get disinterested.

I spent a lot of money during the first few days. I went there specifically to see the US Open with my friends, and we also decided to see a Yanks game, and take in the view from the Rockefeller Centre. By Tuesday, I was spent (both money and energy) and my last few days involved a lot of reading, a lot of music theory, and a lot of coffee.

In the end, vacation time for me isn’t about being in a new country, seeing the sights. As nice as it is to be in a new place, I think I’m much more of a cottage kinda guy. A hammock, a hot tub, a lawn chair, a beverage, a few books, a few board games…. More often than not, I was frustrated with not having my guitar with me, and not having easy access to the internet.

I have to admit that I was well inspired by the street performers in New York. Also, I had some really nice talks with my friend, Eugenia. I’ll probably have to do another post to capture those thoughts, but I’ve got work in the morning, and it’s 1:25am.

David =B~)

Post #54: Work Is Like That Girlfriend You Should Have Left Ages Ago

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

Dear Alice,

“I’m afraid that I’ll hurt them if I leave.” and “It’s not you, it’s me.” are both two sides of the same coin, except that the latter has the balls.

I’m really liking the phrase “neither deal-breaker nor deal-maker”. I think that pretty much sums up all the good points that lead us nowhere. The bad points, however, come to light differently, as illuminated by my personal favourite: the post-mortem realization phrase, “that wasn’t the issue, that was just the excuse”. That’s for those who cloak the fact they had one foot out the door for quite some time, but couldn’t get the other out of your bed without a good shove.

You’re so tough, you’re so strong
When the going gets tough, the tough are gone
But you ain’t so tough!
Not when you’re weak in the knees
Takes a mighty fine push to make your love leave

Last, but not least, I’m reminded of the idea that you shouldn’t run from something unless you have something to run to. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself either drifting off endlessly in space, or getting sucked right back, over and over again.

It’s going to happen. Not immediately, but soon. Hooray for vacation.

David =B~)

Post #53: Loss leaders

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009

Dear Alice,

Tomorrow is our Team Lead’s last day at work. After almost ten years of working here, she’s decided to move on. It’s incredible. On one hand, I’m happy (for her, for me, for everyone) that she’s leaving; on the other hand, I’m sad that I’m not the one leaving; and if I had a third hand, on it I’d have my fascination with how things are going to play out.

What makes a person stay for so long? I’m not sure. I guess the question is, “does my job suck so much that I’m driven to actively search for another?” Then, there’s all the benefits to consider, and the tenure, the routine, etc. All to make the employee more “sticky”.

However, I think that her reason for staying was out of responsibility. (more…)