Archive for January, 2009

Post #24: Rawr

Friday, January 30th, 2009

Dear Alice,

I feel like a lion trapped in a cage, roaring to get out.

I’m at work, and I’m working… sort of. How can I call it work if I’m writing a blog entry?
I’m very stressed at work… sort of. How can I be getting stressed if I’m not producing?

Patience is what keeps you from burning out too quickly.
It’s all about channeling your frustration into positive channels, isn’t it?
I hope to cultivate patience in my kids.

Post #23: Life by the Horns

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

Dear Alice,

You want me to start doing things? Then by golly I’ll have to start.

I do things in bursts. I think my friends understand this about me. I’m spontaneous, and then I stagnate. I can keep going as long as you give me a reason, but I’m forgetful. Keep giving me that reason. Cultivate it. Portishead: “Give me a reason to love you….”

If you just let a baby be, it’d die, right? Well, goo goo, my friends. Goo. Goo.

Writing blog entries:
I write because somehow I have this notion that people like reading my entries. Well, then where are the comments? Do I even have a fan base? So far, two: Adam, and Supergirl.

Recording music:
The same goes here. I know that my recordings could always be closer to perfection, so I don’t publish them. I take a long time to do these things, so I need constant reinforcement. Thank goodness I’ve got a lot of friends.

Writing music:
I actually take a really long time to write anything. I need to practice writing more songs quickly, because right now I’m under the impression that the only reason my songs are good is because I spend ages on them.

I am so upset with myself, you have no idea. This is me trying to get angry at myself for not being more of a risk taker, when I’m such an effing good risk taker. Throw me to the lions and I’ll dance on their tongues and swing around their teeth! Why should I be sitting on my laurels when I’ve got two of the lightest feet known to man?! Goodness, David! Stop worrying whether people like you and start enjoying the fact that people like you! Oh the irony!

Learning Russian:
It’s coming in bursts. One woman at work asked me if I was learning it for a girl. Shucks.

Rearranging my apartment:
I’m ALWAYS rearranging my apartment. Augh. I hate it. I know what needs to go: the round table and the plastic containers. They are effing my ess up. Onto Facebook I go!

Hanging out with friends:
Here’s the tricky part. I want to grow, and it sounds like people want me to grow in the direction of writing music. Great! Except that means I need to lock myself away for seven months to get out one song. And then I don’t practice my performing skills. And then I don’t want to do shows too much.

All of this boils down to one thing: people want me to become a professional musician, and I’m afraid to do it. Stupid society. Stupid me. I’m going to have to write out a five year plan for becoming a professional musician.

Step 1: find other professional musicians.

Post #22: Getting Jiggy With It

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

Dear Alice,

I’m sorry if you’ve been waiting. I really was trying to get to recording more music all this time. The thing is, in order for me to start recording music, I had to move my computer to the living room, which meant I had to make room for it by getting rid of the unnecessary table, which meant I had to clean off everything sitting on it including the two month old, incomplete jigsaw puzzle, which at this point could only be cleaned via completion.

I usually prefer to take my time with jigsaw puzzles. You divide them up into patterns, and then you try to form a cluster before moving it into the big picture. However, I was in a hurry, so I picked up the puzzle box, stared at the picture on it, and took each piece and matched it to it’s location on the puzzle. One by one, I just moved each individual piece to the main board, and eventually got really good at recognizing piece patterns and where they should go.

I worked on this chore on Monday and I finished building the puzzle on Tuesday. Twice.
The first time was at 8:30pm, although there were five missing pieces. No worries. I could find those later. Right then, I wanted to glue the puzzle together, but not on the table itself. I found an collapsed a Fed-Ex cardboard box, and with one hand, held it against the edge of the table. With the other, I inched the 1,000 piece puzzle from the table surface to the cardboard. Try to visualize this, keeping in mind that my table round. I had somehow managed to move half of the puzzle onto the cardboard, leaving half of it on the table, when my progress slowed down enough for the reality of what I was doing to sink in to the sentient mind of the puzzle. It shivered for a second before tearing apart at the seams. The pieces hovering from the gaps rained onto the floor, and eventually, I was left with a third of my puzzle on the floor, a third on the table, and a third on the cardboard box.

Some people ask me if I ever get angry. Well, it turns out that I do. What do I do when I get angry? Well, it’s not that different to when I’m not angry. I get on my hands and knees and get back to work. The only difference is that I do a lot of mumbled, “No”s and a lot of internal “AARGH!!!”s. I said I was going to finish this puzzle, and by 10:45pm, the puzzle was done again. Lemon-to-lemonade ending: Four of the five missing pieces were found. They were hidden underneath the puzzle when it was solved on the round table!

Post #21: Stay Out Of Trouble

Tuesday, January 6th, 2009

Dear Alice,

A friend (and ex-manager) of mine once told me, “knowledge is what gets you out of trouble, and wisdom is what helps you avoid trouble”. I didn’t like it at first, because it sounded so negative… like life is just about not getting into trouble. I thought about it a bit more, and remembered that life isn’t all about knowledge and wisdom.

Knowledge and wisdom help you stay out of trouble. Your body is your own personal garden, and rewards you with whatever you sew. What about the soul? (more…)

Post #20: Float Like a Person

Friday, January 2nd, 2009

Dear Alice,

Three’s nothing wrong with vegging out if you haven’t done so in a long time.
My day consisted of cleaning, Rock Band, cooking, “The Office”. What a great start to 2009!

New Years Resolution #2: Buy a condenser mike.

When I was around 13 years old, I used to record myself singing, and then listen to myself critically. I would do this over and over again. Is that vain? What an odd question. Be it out of arrogance or self-deprecation, I wanted to know what I had to offer so that I could sell myself correctly.

I think I’ve always wanted to float through life like a leaf. Unfortunately, we’re not leaves. We instead have to learn how to float like people; and I have to figure out how to float like me.

Post #19: New Year’s Resolution

Thursday, January 1st, 2009

Dear Alice,

New Years was yesterday. I don’t understand the tradition. I try to. I gather with as many of my closer friends as I can, and we spend our time waiting for midnight. Nothing special about it, in itself. It’s only what you make of the moment that counts. Right now, the tradition is to meet up, get drunk until midnight, wish everyone well, and then get drunk some more.

My New Year’s resolution is to find a better way for me and my friends to bring in the New Year.