Chryckie!

My girlfriend showed me this clip of Cold Play covering the Beastie Boys song, “Fight For Your Right to Party”, as a tribute to the recent passing of MCA, a.k.a. Adam Yauch, and I went from supportive boyfriend to absolutely devastated mourner of his passing.

The song isn’t supposed to be a sad song. It’s a fun tune, griping about parents spoiling your good times! I stood there, listening to Cold Play’s acoustic version of the song, and thinking about how wrong it was… it’s too mellow…. in a single passing through my ears, Cold Play turned the song into MCA’s final plea: you’ve got to fight for your right to party.

I kid you not, I found myself trembling on her couch, trying to hold in my wailing as she continued to surf the internet in the other room. “Your mom threw away your best porno mag” is a hilarious line! Why does it ring like that in my ears?? I was squeezing tear after tear from my eyes, heaving and sniffling, as the chorus would come back to me: you’ve got to fight.

It’s so light, I kept thinking. MCA wasn’t trying to make a point, was he? It’s just an observation. It’s just about kids and parents. It’s just life! Stop twisting it. Yet, I couldn’t shake it. MCA’s passing and Cold Play’s stupid* interpretation of the song just extracted my frustrations with the world, and washed them away.

*- It’s not stupid. I just don’t believe that they intended for it to touch me as it did. I mean, Cold Play doesn’t understand how acoustic interpretations can evoke these emotions, right? They’re so reckless.

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Why do writers write? Because it isn’t there.
— Thomas Berger

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Yeah, and I haven’t been here for ages. It’s weird. I want to write, I have time to write, and I have the energy to write, but rarely do all three come at the same time.

So, I’m not working as a website co-ordinator anymore. I’m back to just databases, and just for a bank. At the least, I’m not tied to banks, so I feel like I have options, and my career is “Database Programmer” not “Bank Employee”.

The summer is coming, however, and so is the inspiration to do something new and exciting with my life. I still get hit with the urge. Currently, the new idea is to take some improv classes at Second City, in the hopes that I’ll loosen up in real life conversation.

My big goals and views on life are still there. Yet, I’ve had to push a few of them back, further into the future, and it scares me. It sparks the age-old question of, “Am I being patient, or am I procrastinating?” If I really want to record my music, why do I spend so much time playing Frisbee? Am I misappropriating my time?

I’ve been dating this wonderful girl who knows how to plan things well in advance. She’s rubbing off on me slowly - for instance, I no longer double-book myself for events every single weekend. However, I pick one, and sometimes hate myself for picking poorly. I forget to leave room for people’s birthdays, or for holidays that are bound to bring my friends together. Not to mention leaving room for the simple things, like chores, catching up with peripheral friends, or writing.

I need to work on my calendar skillz, yo.
David

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It hurts, trying not to disappoint anyone. What’s worse is that I still look back on my track record, and torture myself with it. I know I’m not perfect, and nobody is, but I’m also not a waste of time. Yet some gave up on me. I haven’t given up on them yet, but it’s going to take a miracle to bring us back together. Because I don’t have the words, or the wherewithall to make it happen. So, I believe in miracles, now? Not necessarily. More that it’s a small world, my friends are all over, and I Haven’t, Given, Up Yet. As for the rest of the world, I’ll just be more vigilant.

The Occupy Bay Street is being evicted from St. James park.

I’ve heard good things about the protesters. Mostly about the character and heart of the people involved. I hope they made friends, and stay connected to do more after the city outs the Occupancy fire.

I think it’s risky to do what they did for that exact reason: the city and the law can and will put out your fires. It takes a lot of organization and preparation to make significant changes like the ones they were looking for. Great to see we have the heart and people. I just hope they can regroup.

I think I think there’s a lot more hope in something like this:
The Mighty Annex Seeks A Twin

I really need to get myself involved with this ARA group. I’ve been telling myself this for a while. One more time ought to do it.

David =B~)

It’s 11:30 am, and I’m taking the day to myself, hopefully. There is always something going on around here, and I hate missing out on fun.

My birthday party was last weekend. Halloween weekend. I usually gloat that the world holds several house parties in celebration of MY birthday, and I just need to show up. This year, I finally decided to own it. I planned a big Murder Mystery Halloween Costume Birthday Party for the 29th, and spent a good two to three weeks planning it.

The effort involved to pull something like that off is like having a mini-wedding, except that most people know how to attend a wedding. On top of booking a venue, assigning character, and printing out the game items, few people had played a Murder Mystery game before, let alone a LARP Murder Mystery. When I take a step back, it was really cool how everyone got into their characters, to the point that most people forgot about the murder altogether! I think that’s the intriguing part, since everyone had a good time even though only two people solved the murder. They were much more interested in getting to know the other characters in their game-world that related to them. I’m suddenly struck with the notion for another mystery game… no murders involved.

David =B~)

• I’m at work, and I get a non-work related e-mail. There’s a comment about “the way things are” in some aspect of society. It’s usually too negative, and it’s always too simple. I take the bait, and I formulate a counter-argument opinion. This eats up 30 to 90 minutes of my day.

• It’s lunch time, and I’m asked a simple question by a co-worker. “Do you like fish?” I do like the taste of fish meat, but I hate having to deal with the bones. Does that mean “yes” or “no”? I do the one characteristic thing that is “David St Bernard”, where I mentally check out of the conversation to have a “group huddle” in my brain about the simple question of fish. By the time I’ve figured my answer out, they’ve changed topics.
• It’s time to come home from work. I’m riding my bike, singing the same verse of song I’ve had in the works for a year. The verse I thought I liked this morning now sounds amateurish. I scrap it and start again. I should be paying more attention to the road.
• I’m home, skimming through Facebook. It rarely has anything good there. Why do I do it? Maybe it’s the same addiction that the lottery has. There’s that slim chance that you might win, and that’s really all you need.
• It’s soon to be another Ultimate Frisbee game. I’m looking at the clock, and I’m aiming to get there right on time. I underestimate the time it takes to find a change of clothes and grab water. Also, I take a new route to the game, and I’ve overshot the street by two main intersections. The team is very used to this.
• I’m riding back home on my bike from another late night Ultimate Frisbee game loss, hating myself for the few bad plays I made - in particular, the one that costed us a supposedly easy point. I make the same mental reminders each game: (1) slow down, (2) don’t go for risky plays. I just make the reminders after I’ve already made the heart-breaking mistake. I should be paying more attention to the road instead.
• It’s late in the evening. I went over all the things that I could do before going to bed, and envisioned them happening as soon as I got home. My body relaxes the moment I step in the door. I check Facebook one more time, and the last of my energy reserves dissipates. What “to-do list”? I should go to bed and try to wake up early to get the things I promised I would done.
• It’s another day, I start to write a blog entry because I haven’t done so in a long time. I take a music slant, trying to be professional about my blog, but it’s not good enough. I thought I had something interesting to say, but now that I read it, it’s not really worth publishing. I’ll save it, and maybe get back to it later. Maybe.

Work for most people is really very social, and the actual thinking is often done in community.
– Tobias Wolff

There’s a group that meets every now and again to talk about music, and where the industry is going nowadays. The group is called BS Fridays, and it’s led by Barbara Sedun, EMI Music Publishing Canada’s senior vice-president, and Scott Hons, a freelance coach for artists/band (I like his blog.) I’ve met mostly musicians and songwriters there, but a good bunch of them happen to be doing others things on the side as well.

The first guy was the lead singer of Modern Boys Modern Girls - Akira Alemany. He talked about about a project he’s a part of called Snapback, which is attempting to create a community of bands in Toronto, New York and Montreal. It reminded me of the idea of creating a community of artists who tour together, and share the bulk load of setting up gigs.

The second person was not a musician. She was the booker for El Mocambo, and she gave us the venue’s perspective when it comes to generating an audience. We had a long conversation - the 12-15 people there - about what we could do about encouraging audience members to come for the entire show, not just their friend’s act. Again, how do I ensure that people stick around? Well, I’m only responsible for at most an hour of the show. I had better flock together with the right feathers, right? Basic stuff, but it still needs to be said.

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So, here’s my current big question: with whom can I tour?

To answer that, I can see myself doing a few things:
1. Scout for other acts online and at open-mics.
2. Put up promotional material online. (Like a trailer video for my stuff.)

I’m currently scoping out Meghan’s webcast archives for some good artists. I think I just might have found one I like. Let’s try for a few more.

David =B~)

When I was younger, there was a desperation, a desire for certainty, like there was an end to the path, and I had to get there. - Waking Life, Richard Linklater

It’s getting close to my second SongStudio visit. The advantage is that I’ve been there before, so I know what it has to offer. The disadvantage is that I’ve less material to work with.

I’m really waiting for laundry to be done. I’d like to just pull out another Ultimate Ninja Sudoku puzzle and work on it instead of write this up, but it’s been a while.

I’ve got four songs I’m constantly ironing out. “Please Don’t Be The One”, “Tell Me (You Love Me)” and then two which I don’t have names for. I think of them as “This ain’t a lonely town” and “Hard truth”, but I don’t like those as titles. Anyways, they’re all 60%-80% done, and I’ve played them at a few shows, but I’m still not happy enough to record them.

That’s all. Sorry for the weak update. I should have something after the SongStudio week is up.

David =B~)

Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s the great puzzle. - Lewis Carroll
One cardinal rule of ultimate is to respect the possession. - Sandeep

I hit a snag. I love Ultimate Frisbee.
There aren’t enough Ultimate Frisbee quotes, so I grabbed one from my captain. I’m sure it can translate to life. Help me finish this one: Life is like playing Frisbee, _________.

I told my friends that I wasn’t going to be playing a lot of Frisbee this year because I was going to get serious with my music. (As I do every year.) They thought it was ridiculous, but still shrugged it off and said, just don’t dick them around. “Awesome, I won’t.” And I didn’t, I haven’t. In fact, I’ve got a perfect record of attendance so far, including an optional Sunday tournament at 9:30 am and subbing for another team the next day. I spend my free time tossing a disc around. I even have my password as… well, I can’t tell you it exactly, or my overlords will find out and crush me… but it’s something that asks me, every time I enter it, what’s more important to me: Frisbee or Music?

So, alright. I’m playing Frisbee. The only other thing that keeps me back is my obsession for puzzles. That’s probably why I’m a lyricist, a mathematician, a musician, and why I took my ex-girlfriend’s father’s puzzle on bisectors so seriously. I write songs to solve them, and I play board games to understand the strategy behind them.

Let’s open this blog up to other things than just music, and existential crises. Sure, I can contemplate death and life, and the morality of banks, and the responsibility of artists. I probably will too. I just feel stifled when I try to be a CEO of David St Bernard Inc.

David =B~)

P.S. Regarding that bisector puzzle, I came up with a beautiful diagram for it, and I was stubbornly certain that it would lead me to an elegant solution. I kept working on it, reducing the problem to smaller and smaller sections, expecting to eventually negate the entire puzzle. However, it suddenly hit me that I was never going to reduce the problematic section to nothing. I was simply dividing the region in halves. And we ALL know that 1/(2^N) is never equal to zero, for any integer N.

In almost every survey of consumers, they say they don’t mind spending money. What they hate is the shopping experience. - Alan Bush

So, now I’m looking into recording.
It’s tough to make a decision when you care too much.
And that line reminds me of a tune I’m working on… I want to be writing, not recording.

Focus.

So, I sat down with my tunes, and tried to pick out what I want from them.
Then I asked a few folks for some studios they’ve worked with.
I’m going for three tunes, all acoustic, and I’ll do a few test runs with the studios to see what I like, and what I can afford.

It’s like apartment hunting. It’s like job hunting. Unlike my last attempt, where I just needed to get ‘er done. This one’s going to be more foundational. Shop around to see what studio agrees with my level of commitment. Let’s see what I can find.

David =B~)

P.S. There are a lot of people who have their own studios. Most of them are just looking for someone to come in and try ‘em out. There’s a lot to consider, when it comes to recording, and the options seem endless. I get overwhelmed thinking about it. Drummer or drum track? Live or layered? What tone should each instrument have? Producer, or self-produced? Ridiculous. I’ll report back.

“Change starts when someone sees the next step” - William Drayton

Here’s a quick refresher about where I am, in the hopes of sorting myself out.

I write songs/lyrics with a purpose.
I believe that they’re worth something, and that they are competitive with what’s out there.
I want my songs out there.

Do I need to play shows, or could I just record stuff?
I love playing to an audience, but until I like my recordings, I’m not really concerned about shows.
Karaoke satisfies my attention deficit needs.

I need to find a way to do recordings and enjoy them.

I’m going to contact the Nathan Bishop again, and see if we can revisit the songs that were previously recorded.
Also, I’ll have to pick another five or so songs to do for this year.
Lastly, I think I’ll want a producer this time around. I’m not yet trained to get the best sound out of my songs. I’ll have to outsource an ear for that.

Awesome. Let the summer games begin.

David =B~)

P.S. I’m not sure if I like this, but I’ve got this itch going on, where I want to try to write (1) stand-up, (2) hip hop, and (3) Weezer-esque tunes. At least I’d loosen up. That’s a good thing, right?